in 2009…
did you go to a party? some. a few were lame, a few weren’t, none were a waste of time.
did you try something new? probably…let’s think…wedding planning. being a legit photographer.
did someone change your life? yes.
did you kiss someone? a few times…
did you tell you friends and family that you love them? probably not enough.
did you buy something extravagant? a white dress…
did you do something nice for you? every once in a while.
did you do something terribly wrong? i’m sure i did.
did you move? to and from school a few times, and in and out of a friends house this summer.
did you go to a concert? a few.

best of the year
party: our engagement party!
tv show: NCIS. hands down.
cd: “i and love and you” by the avett brothers, “stockholm syndrome” by derek webb
movie: hmm. i dont know. i really liked Fame.
song: too many to count.
experience: being proposed to. living in the same city as evan. going to asheville a bunch.
concert: derek webb
book: i reread HP7, which was as amazing as ever
month: march was a good one.
day: march 28 πŸ™‚

worst of the year
party: meh. nothing too bad.
tv show: secret life of american teenager
cd: i didnt listen to any bad ones
movie: ghost of girlfriends past
song: party in the usa
experience: almost failing a class
concert: none!
book: anything i read in modern christian thought
month: september.
day: nothing stands out…

hopes for 2010
what do you predict will happen in 2010? i’ll get married! it will be hard and challenging but totally worth it.
what do you hope changes about your country? hatred and lack of tolerance should disappear
what do you hope for yourself? courage and rest
what do you hope for your family? peace and comfort
what do you hope for your best friend? (e) courage and strength to lead. (l) direction and worth

during 2009…
where were you when it began? charleston
did you stay up? yep!
what was your new years wish? happiness and a shiny ring
how many boyfriends did you have? just one :)
did you break up with anyone? nope
did you have any crushes? only on a cute boy from charleston
care to mention names? evan ❀
did you have to say goodbye? ugh. evan like every 2 weeks, some great seniors after graduation.
did you miss anyone? yes. it’s called being human.
did you win anything? yes
what was the best place you went to? asheville!
what was the worst place you went to? the infirmary
what was your happiest moment? being in asheville with evan, savoring our engagement news to ourselves for a bit
how was your birthday? it was great; celebrated with the people i like a lot.
what was the best present you received? a promise to spend life together. or maybe a D60.

january: started in charleston, lots of fun, not so fun school stuff
february: valentines day!
march: ENGAGED! the vagina monologues
april: mutemath, engagement party
may: graduation, moving out of my parents house for the summer
june: internship at UVA (and learning lots about that) and my first art show/purchases!, going with ev to GA
july: going to NC with lena
august: moving back home for 2 weeks, ending my teenage years, starting school
september: my tie
october: homecoming!
november: moving the wedding up 140+ days
december: EVAN MOVING!, christmas, wedding planning

i definitely neglected this; i’ve been busy living life. so where to begin updating? i guess i could start with the fact that, a few posts ago, i made a list of things i wanted to do eventually. let’s review…

-do a 5k. ((nope, not yet. i still haven’t discovered a deep love for running))

-see the West Coast.
-go slacklining.
kiss in the rain. ev and i are now almost 8 months into engagement. we had set the date for may 15, 2010, but as of yesterday, that’s officially been moved up to january 9, 2010. forty-six days from today. there is so much emotion going on right now, but my heart is overflowing. we just got accepted for our first home, and had our first premarital counseling session last night. kind of unbelievable that this time two years ago, we were skating around each other πŸ™‚
-sleep on the beach under the stars.
-make an A in a class at furman.
have an art show. i started a series at the beginning of the term, and had a minishowing a few weekends ago. i was thinking about how i love my tattoo (the Hebrew word for “redeemed” across my left wrist) and if i were to get another, what it would be, what i’d want to be reminded of every day. I decided that i’d love to get the word “beautiful” on the side of my foot, right where it arches. and then i got to thinking that i’d love for every girl, every woman, to be reminded that she is beautiful all the time. so, of course, i can’t get everyone to get a tattoo, but i decided to start taking pictures of friends of mine. i wrote a verse about beauty on each of them, each on a different part of the body. here are a few:


make a perfect cheesecake. this and the next go together. a few months ago, ev and i collaborated on a (rather delicious) dinner party with some school friends. i really hope we can do it more when we get married!
-have a dinner party.
-make a piece of pottery.
develop film in a dark room. i’ve processed and developed film now, thanks to photo I. it’s really helped me widen my horizons and i’ve really loved the challenge of working through the process from start to finish.
-compete in a swing competition. we competed in a fun little 2 song competition that ev’s sister played music in over fall break. it was great.

so there’s a little update on some of the more recent escapades. we’re going swing dancing in a bit, so i better go get dressed! happy thanksgiving

what a weekend i had. i am still processing and savoring it, but for a little blurb and a few pictures, check out the photoblog. i will write more on here soon…

movies i want to see:
-rachel getting married.
-28 days.
-slumdog millionaire.
-nick and norah’s infinite playlist.
-quantum of solace.
-vicky cristina barcelona.

artists i wish i could have in my living room right now:
-over the rhine.
-sufjan.
-crooked still.
-nickel creek.
-bradley hathaway.

non-profits i wish i could work for right now:
children’s healing art project
to write love on her arms
heartsupport

things i am excited about doing:
-playing minigolf tomorrow with my sister.
-the weekend of april 17th: seeing evan for 3 1/2 days, including a night listening to mutemath
-seeing spring in ((hopefully soon))
-hearing back about my internship!

I wish I could take language
And fold it like cool, moist rags.
I would lay words on your forehead.
I would wrap words on your wrists.
β€œThere, there,” my words would say-
Or something better.
I would ask them to murmur,
β€œHush” and β€œShh, shh, it’s all right.”
I would ask them to hold you all night.
I wish I could take language
And daub and soothe and cool
Where fever blisters and burns,
Where fever turns yourself against you.
I wish I could take language
And heal the words that were the wounds
You have no names for.
-“Words For It,” Julia Cameron

it is 70 degrees outside; i played in chacos and short sleeves all day, skin glistening in the surprising springlike sun. the above words spoke to me, touched my heart. i am going to think about them for a while…

so, i know a lot of people with a “list”…things to do before “x” happens. so i am starting one…not to conform, but to make sure i live a little. i will tag posts related to this endeavor with the word “list” so i can keep track of it all. so, here we go, in no order, the things i can think of so far that i want to do before i die:

-do a 5k.
-see the West Coast.
-go slacklining.
-kiss in the rain.
-sleep on the beach under the stars.
-make an A in a class at furman.
-have an art show.
-make a perfect cheesecake.
-have a dinner party.
-make a piece of pottery.
-develop film in a dark room.
-compete in a swing competition.

found at postsecret.com

home. what a word. up until i was 17, home meant a little brick house or my family members. i mostly liked that definition of home, only regretting that it also included fighting and sorrow sometimes. when i was 17, i found a different home of sorts, my current church. i felt the emotions everyone uses to describe home there, and still do; i feel welcomed and watched over and loved. no matter which definition i used, all my homes were in greenville, and so venturing outside the area became a scary thing for me, even to the point of shutting down when it happened.

evan arrived last saturday to my house, the first college friend to come inside that little brick dwelling, and arguably, the one who i wanted most to like it and be liked by my family. they, of course, loved him already, but that had only been tested over very short periods; this was a lot longer. mario kart and home cooked meals and conversations (sometimes awkward) ensued with them on saturday, sunday, and monday, and they seemed to like him okay. but then tuesday came. we were supposed to go to charleston to see his family, his home, something i had never really gotten up the guts to do, and this time was no different; i let my fears convince me i did not want to go. so this led to an hour long conversation, tears on both ends, so much warring in my heart, but the pain i saw inflicted on him won: i agreed to try. if my family thought they liked evan before, they definitely liked him now. and about 4 hours later, i was in charleston, hanging out with 4 awesome individuals and the love of my life. over the next 2 1/2 days, we saw christmas lights, went downtown, i walked on my first pier, had some amazing food, played frisbee in weather entirely too cold, played more mario kart and rock band, saw his apartment, and had the privilege of seeing the amazing connection between evan and his family. i fell in love with his family and the city and the parts i had not yet seen of the man i already loved. and now we are back at my house, experiencing board games and great food and contra dancing that made us dizzy in each others’ arms.

so what does this have to do with the idea of home? lots. while there were most definitely hard moments, scary moments, so so much stretching done over the past 8 days, i would not trade any of it for the world or money or the comfort i thought i would have here. i have added another definition to “home,” but it is not subsurvient to the others…evan is home. while he is not in greenville, parts of him are. while he is not part of my nuclear family, i hear he would like to change that. he is a part of redeemer, even being 300 miles away every sunday. the old adage is “home is where the heart is,” and my heart is with him.

in 2008…
did you go to a party? a few.
did you try something new? contra dancing. long distance relationships….i am sure i will think of more later.
did someone change your life? evan.
did you kiss someone? πŸ˜€
did you tell you friends and family that you love them? probably not enough.
did you buy something extravagant? a nice skirt…
did you do something nice for you? see previous answer.
did you do something terribly wrong? im sure.
did you move? to and from school a few times, but not really.
did you go to a concert? YES.

best of the year
party: umm…we’ll go with laura and lindley’s “new best friend” party
tv show: the office, secret life of the american teenager
cd: welcome wagon, identity by MADCRASHER
movie: WALL-E
song: not a fair question.
experience: umm…ive had some pretty awesome ones. meeting claire at the airport, contra dancing, sitting with evan in about a million places, going to asheville with evan…
concert: between the trees/nevertheless
book: um…the irresistable revolution was good…or what parts i read of it
month: august was pretty boss.
day: uhhh…november 15th was really good. asheville with evan…

worst of the year
party: tke was kind of not fun.
tv show: hannah montana
cd: all the ones i got were pretty good…
movie: twilight kind of sucked.
song: aye bay bay
experience: there were a few.
concert: um….none!
book: the box.
month: february?
day: june 15th.

hopes for 2009
what do you predict will happen in 2009? a lot.
what do you hope changes about your country? the economy. bailout should be a bad word.
what do you hope for yourself? courage and rest
what do you hope for your family? peace
what do you hope for your best friend? (e) happiness, courage, and direction. (l) direction, contentment, and a wicked awesome boyfriend.

during 2008…
where were you when it began? my house.
did you stay up? barely.
what was your new years wish? happiness
how many boyfriends did you have? just one πŸ™‚
did you break up with anyone? nope
did you have any crushes? i mean…it’s me.
care to mention names? evan ❀
did you have to say goodbye? ugh. lindley to france, everyone for summer break, claire to china, evan basically every visit.
did you miss anyone? the love of my life doesnt live here. duh, i missed someone.
did you win anything? yes
what was the best place you went to? asheville!
what was the worst place you went to? umm…i dont know.
what was your happiest moment? walking around with evan in asheville, enjoying his company and the light rain and the mountains…
how was your birthday? it was great; celebrated with the people i like a lot.
what was the best present you received? a very special first.

january: snow day!, viennese ball, fun secret date with lindley, donna and drew got *engaged*,
february: dbpi phormal, first outing with *evan*
march: co women’s retreat, first tree climbing experience
april: drew and donna got married!, military ball
may: graduation, lots of dancing, moving back home
june: starting the epic fb message with evan, starting luna rosa
july: contra dancing
august: columbia, hello dtr, turning 19, sophomore year
september: my tie, gloves and sarah get hitched, epic convo with the boy, ultimate tourney, ruf retreat
october: homecoming weekend, halloween
november: identity photoshoot, wedding with evan in clemson, thanksgiving
december: futones concert, evan’s bday, evan’s visit (coming soon!)

yesterday, while walking through my hall on the way to the shower, a thought hit me.

i am beautiful.

it wasn’t a super long period where i felt this way, but for those brief moments, it was a gorgeous gift. i think it was God reminding me. if you know me, you know this thought, this feeling, this reassurance is not the norm. i do not usually feel very spectacular, but the few scarce moments when i remember the Creator of the Universe thinks i am breathtaking are really special.

1. if i was a boy, i would have a monthly facial hair designation. Jesus January, Fu Man Chu February, etc.
2. there are several evils pillaging furman students this week, mainly stomach bugs and allergies and exams. i hope to avoid as much of them as possible.
3. i have made the switch to firefox. it is way faster.